Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
