Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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