Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
