you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Bring me that man meat
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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