she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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