found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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