i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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