can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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