sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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