We're facebook friends in real life
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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