No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
