hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
