Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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