His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
