I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
