Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
