im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
