My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
