he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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