He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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