I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
People in love make me want to vomit
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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