What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
