My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
