it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
