we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
