I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
