Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
