You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
