for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
