I just cut my nipple shaving
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
