How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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