we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
