she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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