She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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