I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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