My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
