He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
