There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
