I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
