How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
