Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
