How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
