if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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