I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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