THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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