There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
