Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
