just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
