you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
