you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
