My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
