I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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