So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
