How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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