Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
