Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
