We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
