Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am available for nakedness
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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