I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So vagazzling was a success
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
