I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
