4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
