Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
