Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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