dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
