This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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